3 Ways Offering Age-Appropriate Independence Builds Confidence

Watching children grow is one of the most rewarding experiences of life. We picture their graduations and life successes. We envision the people they will grow to be. Yet, when the moments come that shape and stretch them out of their (and our) comfort zones, we often find the work of relinquishing control to allow for their growth to be easier said than done. For many reasons, taking the first steps to allowing greater independence for our children can be hard, but understanding the benefits of developmentally appropriate independence can better prepare us for when the time comes to let go a little more. Here, at Acton Academy St. George, we offer these three ways to build independence and confidence.

Independence Fuels Wonder
In her book series, A Philosophy of Education, Charlotte Mason motivated educators and parents by writing, “the flowers aren’t new, but the children are.” What a beautiful truth. We can facilitate and nurture childlike wonder by simply offering something to explore (the outdoors, a painting, a musical composition) and stepping out of the way. Some of the hardest work of busy parents is simply allowing time for exploration and observation. How much is there around us yet to be discovered and to be inspired by simply because we didn’t take the time to see? When we allow independence in nature, with age-appropriate books, and works of art, we welcome the natural wonder and inquisition of a child’s teachable mind.

Independence Fuels Creativity
It can be so tempting to not even allow real independence in our children’s creative play. Too often we trade imagination for tidiness, ingenuity for convenience, and creativity for perfection. If we can step back long enough, we can see the beauty and work of play taking place in a disastrous playroom. If we have eyes to see, we can be inspired by the pride of a child free to pick their own outfit and hairstyle. Allowing some independence within the realm of inconsequential choices, gives a child some control they desperately seek in their world where so much is controlled for them. And often they use that control to be wildly creative and awe-inspiring to those whose pleasure it is to associate with and care for them.

Independence Fuels Ability
Lastly, and likely most challenging, independence in physical activity creates confident ability. We all remember the playgrounds of days past with vomit-inducing merry-go-rounds and metal slides that could give you second degree burns on a hot summer day. Long gone are the days of no guard rails and padding-free playgrounds. To be fair, we’ve also gained in leaps and bounds toward more inclusive playground options and less injury. And not to say that physical safety shouldn’t be of concern for play areas designed for kids, but what is the cost when we trade slightly dangerous, less-structured outdoor play for ultra safe, curated play structures? Jordan Peterson said, “The only way kids learn is by doing dangerous things carefully.” It can be hard to allow our kids the independence to try something that could get them hurt, but the reality is that it hurts them more to protect them to the degree that their brains never have the chance to build crucial neural connections involving balance, coordination, and spatial awareness. A scraped knee or bruised elbow pale in comparison to the underdevelopment of each of these skills. So give them safety equipment while riding their bikes and teach them what poisonous plants to avoid, but be careful to not then allow them the personal experience of trying the dangerous things carefully on their own. As the old saying goes, “you never know until you try.”

Even though independence simultaneously means less control as parents, when we offer it in wisdom within the boundaries of what is appropriate developmentally, we offer growth and we offer capable confidence for a future where capability and confidence are deeply needed.